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Categorized | Bartending

How to Drive Drunk … and get away with it!

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Drinking, Driving and Surviving BookDrunk driving has been in the headlines a lot lately with celebrities like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie doing jail time for getting behind the wheel when their blood alcohol is past the legal limit. I also just watched a news story about how the number of female drunk drivers is climbing rapidly.

As a bartender, you HAVE to think about the people you are sending out onto the street at the end of the night. But at the same time, thanks to groups like MADD, the legal blood alcohol limits are getting more and more strict. Some cities are so strict that a person is considered legally intoxicated after a beer or two.

Which brings us to a new book I received to review: Drinking, Driving, and Surviving…
Uncovering the secrets of DUI avoidance
by Parnell Worthington. The book is is targeting an audience who enjoys alcohol, but also drives home after a night at the bar and offers a wide variety of tips for avoiding encounters with the law.

The book begins with the easiest techniques such as DON’T DO IT. Worthington gives some alternatives such as using public transportation or a designated driver. But in a lot of cities, public transportation isn’t a possibility and most designated drivers end up drunk by the end of the night anyway. After the common sense techniques are covered, Worthington breaks out the black-hat stuff.

Some good knowledge is dished out. Some of the key techniques involve planning ahead, avoiding “nuisance” bars, avoiding police checkpoints and excuses that work when you do eventually get pulled over. There is even a chapter devoted to what to do when they’ve got you in cuffs.

Worthington interviews several “masters” of drunk driving throughout the course of the book. The most extreme “master” is a character dubbed Drunk Tsu. Drunk Tsu not only likes to drive drunk, but he likes to drink while he drives. His first word of advice is to stick to cans and avoid the bottles. “Bottles are problematic on several counts,” says Drunk Tzu. “For starters, they roll all over the gad damned place and once the cops pull you over, it’s a little too late to tidy up and are hard to keep track of. Plus, the noise of those bottles rolling around breaks my concentration, man.”

The book is written in a casual, conversational style that is pretty hilarious at times. I’m not sure if the “masters” are actually real people, but in the end it doesn’t matter because they make the book much more entertaining. Most of the information you’ll find here seems like common sense, but it never hurts to get a refresher course.

By reviewing this book, I am in no way encouraging anybody to drive drunk. However, casual drunk driving is something that exists on a far larger scale than anybody really wants to admit. Before you get offended, dig deep into your memory to make sure you’ve never driven drunk… and that time you drank two tall Miller Lites at Chilis with your family DOES count.

Scroll down to leave a comment. I really want to know what you think.

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42 Comments For This Post

  1. Michelle Gartner Says:

    Ummm- no I have actually never driven drunk, my father who died this May from complications from being a long time drunk, pounded it in me to never drive drunk. I’ve walked home so drunk I have been perpendicular with the sidewalk… but nope never drove drunk! It’s not worth it- sounds like an irresponsible booklet actually and my poor father is probably rolling in his grave and clinking bottles to boot.

  2. adrianne Says:

    I have driven drunk…and I payed for it. Just a couple of weeks ago, my friend was at my bar…he left without saying goodbye, and an 1/2 hour later, I was informed that he had crashed into the side of a house. He had almost driven right through the house. He’s ok, he didn’t hurt anyone, but he will be paying for this a long ,long time.

    As a bartender, at 2 different bars, I feel I have a duty to make sure I call cabs for as many people as possible. I know I can’t save everyone, but, at least I can try. People just don’t give a damn anymore when it comes to getting into their car after a long nite of partying. I cut people off every nite I work, i just want to help people.This book does not need to be out. Just dont drive drunk. period.

  3. Terrence Says:

    My opinion is that Drunk driving is wrong. I have friends who get behind the wheel after a few drinks and they drive fine but I don’t condone that. As a bartender I can only police so much. In NYC the chance of someone driving is slim but I have had instances where you serve someone and then looking for their car keys.

    I think the overall thing is that we individually have to make better decisions. Can some people drive after a few beers? Yes. Most can’t and that can’t be offered to some. Limits are limits because to save lives we need to gauge it by the lowest tolerances.

    As a drinker I know I have good nights and I have bad nights. I don’t drive, I don’t even own a car. What I can drink one day is no indication of the next. Mood and other factor such as if I’ve eaten can play a role.

    What I hope we all consider before making a poor decision such as allowing someone else or ourselves to drive while intoxicated is the guilt, the shame and the consequences of not killing ourselves but of costing someone else their life.

    I couldn’t deal with that for the rest of my life and you probably couldn’t either so give that some sober and somber thought. Get a cab, call a friend, dont drink if you cant find a way home without getting behind the wheel.

    It isnt worth it.

    I just hope not too many people read this book and see it as a manual for getting over.

    Know your limitations and respect life and local laws enough to stay alive and to not harm others.

    As bartenders we should practice a sort of Hippocratic Oath to provide information, to be entertaining and to be attentive and just like physicians we should commit ourselves to do no harm.

    Protect your patrons, from themselves if you have to. We owe it to one another.

    Mac’s Bar
    Maspeth, NY

  4. Christina Says:

    Drunk drivers kill people every day!!! You should NEVER drive drunk!!!! And the drinking limits should be set low. People who drive drunk are putting not only their lives in danger but the lives of every person they pass on the road as well!!! People who drink and drive are stupid and deserved to get punished to fullest that they can!

  5. Unblock Myspace Says:

    may be celebrities need to read this post

  6. Rebecca Says:

    Um…I agree that people shouldn’t drink & drive but I also agree that people shouldn’t kill each other…but it still happens. I would be willing to bet that everyone above drank & drove atleast once in their lives. For the walker, feel blessed you live in a small enough town where you CAN walk! Lol! And the one that doesn’t even own a car…well, I guess it’s easy for you to say you won’t drink & drive, huh? Lol! Several of my friends/acquaintances have died from drunk driving accidents-I do NOT condone it! But if you have a couple drinks at dinner with your family, I don’t think that should be considered drunk. As a bartender, you should care enough if you see someone staggering out the door, to atleast attempt to stop them. But, you can’t be held responsible for every person that walks in the door. Everyone is over 21-therefore an adult-they are responsible for their own actions/mistakes. Also, if you work in a club, sometimes you don’t even see who walks out that door. How are you suppose to know every single person whether they’re driving or not? Ridiculous…

  7. Rebecca Says:

    P.S. Celebs are people, too.

  8. Joe Bartender Says:

    Thanks for all the comments everybody. I guess my problem is that the drunk driving laws are hypocritical, dumb and not realistic. Of course I don’t advocate getting hammered and driving around. BUT – the laws are getting ridiculous when it comes to Blood Alcohol Content.

  9. Dana Whitaker Says:

    I can’t say I’ve never driven drunk, if by “drunk” you mean “with a blood alcohol content higher than the legal limit.” I’ve never driven when I, or anyone else who was observing me, thought I was impaired. But when BAC limits are low enough that they can be exceeded by me having a glass of wine along with my dinner, which is a distinct possibility (a single glass of wine could easily have me at .08, consdering my body weight), it’s hard to guarantee that I won’t be breaking the law.

    I certainly don’t make a habit of driving when I am buzzed, just like I don’t make a habit of driving when I am overly tired or after I’ve had enough of a fight with my husband that makes me cry. Those are all things that detract from my ability to drive well. There aren’t any laws, though, saying that I can’t get behind the wheel if I’ve had less than 4 hours of sleep the night before.

  10. Trevor Evans Says:

    This is a good post. It gives me the information I was in search of.

    I have a small query – I don’t have any spam pages or websites. Still I am encountered with messages like “possible spam”, “Spam”, and so.

    Do you have any idea why it’s such?


  11. Stomp Yard Says:

    I agree that there is a ton of “casual” drunk driving that goes on. Most people will say they have never driven drunk, but they are thinking of driving while sloppy, can’t stand up drunk. They forget DUI stands for Driving Under the Influence. Doesn’t take much to do that.

  12. Harvard Says:

    I will never drive drunk ,because one of my best friends was killed in a drunk driving accident last year. It is not his fault but he lost his life

  13. Louiss Says:

    Drunk driver really dangerous and you caused your friends or other people get into accident. I have a friend who killed a student at the roadside due to his drunk. Its his fault because he shouldn’t drive if he fell dizzy on his head.

    Until now there is not any better idea to solve this kind of drunk driver. May be we can call our closest family to become our driver instead?

  14. rawkinry Says:

    I agree joe, BAC is wayyyyy too low… granted people should pay for their actions if they’re smashed but, One or 2 beers is just way too rediculas, I look forward to buying this, its exactly what i have been looking for.

  15. Daniel Says:

    If you are going to drink, know your limits. If you can’t drive ask a friend for a ride home or get a taxi. I would rather pay 20 bucks to get home then spend the night in jail.

  16. Weight Loss Wand Says:

    drinking is always fun but drinking and driving is always very dangerious.so its better to avoid drinking while you drive.

  17. Curtis Says:

    I drove drunk ONCE, 12 beers, and I only weigh 180lbs. I was pulled over, not because of my driving but by a COMPLETELY Random check. I freaked out, in my mind i was like “i am sooo screwed” but I told the cop bluntly no I have not been drinking and handed him my license and everything without fumbling. I got away with it, and I know now that was my ONLY chance, since then I have never done it again, let this be a lesson just don’t bother to do it, without a car I would not have a job I need to drive no matter what. That could have ruined my life completely. Always call your parents or a cab!

  18. JOE BLOGS Says:

    got caught drink driving, facing 3 years now.. screwed. dont do it trust me, i dont know what to do, its a horrible feelin, and it was all over a girl!! now im lookin at 3yrs off the road over 1o mins of stupidity!!!!!!! 3000euro fine too.. get a fu##in taxi 20 euro no fine and a clean DRIVERSLIE’ no court date.. put it this was.. drinks 100 euro, stopped by police..shame brought to court..more shame.. fined 3000 euro…broke loose liesence…ruined.. for everything else theres a TAXI/CAB!!!

  19. JOE BLOGS Says:

    got caught drink driving, facing 3 years now.. screwed. dont do it trust me, i dont know what to do, its a horrible feelin, and it was all over a girl!! now im lookin at 3yrs off the road over 1o mins of stupidity!!!!!!! 3000euro fine too.. get a fu##in taxi 20 euro no fine and a clean DRIVERSLIE’ no court date.. put it this was.. drinks 100 euro, stopped by police..shame brought to court..more shame.. fined 3000 euro…broke loose liesence…ruined.. for everything else theres a TAXI/CAB!!!just leave your keys behind the bar too

  20. Werner Says:

    My susters best best friend was killed in a car accident not her fault , but her boyfriends fault , she didn’t live till 18 South Africa sucks

  21. Werner Says:

    God gives u one chance in life don’t Fu## it up it is nice to party and get drunk…..But don’t do it irresponseble

  22. Werner Says:

    God gives u one chance in life don’t Fu## it up it is nice to party and get drunk…..But don’t do it irresponsebly

  23. Jay Says:

    Do the right thing and dont drink and drive on the public roads its not worth the risk of getting caught or worse killing someone. Dont do it.

  24. IT Support Says:

    Driving while drunk not only risks your own life, but other innocents around you. Don’t do it!
    There are plenty of non alcoholic drinks available, and if you do end up having a drink then it would be wise to take a cab.

  25. Pat Says:

    Driving drunk is stupid!!! i drove drunk when i was 16, I got caught, spent a week in jail, and 6 motnhs on probation! I had a 7 p.m. curfew! if I wanted out after 7 I had to go with my mom! Its litterally impossible now to find any imployer that will higher you with a DUI on your record, and I never thought i would get caught. You can kill yourslef or someone else. Its not worth it. I will never drive under the influecne of alcohol ever again!

  26. Toby Says:

    I have driven drunk many times, been stopped and released a few times. It’s WHO you know. Name dropping will get you out of many a jam. Usually my drunk driving is better than the driving of the other Okies on the road. I have driven down the freeway with an Okie Highway Patrol trooper pacing along side. The kind of vehicle you have matters too. Sporty cars and old Monte Carlosn are cop magnets.

    Now that I have quit drinking entirely, I look back of the past 40 years of frequent drunk driving and realize how fortunate I am to have never had a wreck or injured anyone including myself.

  27. Vic Says:

    Hi just was t-boned by a drunk driver last night. He fled the seen the cop said he was already quilty of having had a dui. He could have killed me, my car spun around several times, i ended up facing in the opposite direction on the side of the road. Luckily I am alive, luckily no-one hit me as i was spinning. He didnt even care I was hurt. What a low life.

  28. geoffrey Says:

    im tired of everyone saying “don’t drive drunk.” i think every single person on this blog has done it one time or another in thier lives and its annoying for people to act like they would never do such a thing. If your presented with driving home drunk why don’t you take your foot off the gas pull over as much as you need to and stop acting like its the worste thing in the world

  29. tandrew rail Says:

    fuck all that i drive drunk and im good at it… i agree somepeople are fucking stupid and kill other people but you just need to relax and pay fucking attention and dont arouse suspision to your self

  30. chimi white Says:

    ok i am drunk right now and can drive as if i was sober my secret, any mention of police or cops scares me sober no matter how drunk i am. thats how i drive home. i tell someone before i drink that if i get too drunk, aka to the point where i get frisky, i haave someone promise to tell me there is a cop outside prepared to follow me home and pul me over if i do anything wrong, they say that right before i get drunk off my a@@, then i get scared and drive home sober…and i make it home, no incidents no problem….

  31. chimi white Says:

    response to pat about who: it is not who your know it is how you handle yourself… so what if your 17 and drunk…every goddamn 17yr old in this “fine” nation drinks if you get to know them they will admit to drinking since age 16

  32. Taxi Liverpool Airport Says:

    Always gat a taxi, getting caught drink driving is just not worth it. here in liverpool they will throw away the key.. everyone here gets a cab.

  33. brandon Says:

    really hes just joking around so shit the fuck up n suck my dick

  34. brandon Says:

    really hes just joking around so shut the fuck up n suck my dick

  35. Become a Plumber Says:

    Brandon, stop repeating yourself you moron. And for the record, you dont have a dick, its called a stump.

  36. atheist Says:

    all of you shut up

  37. Pinktinkandra Says:

    I have driven drunk many times. And many times I got away with it. I finally got caught though & I am still paying the price. While my license didn’t get revoked for long, it got revoked, which caused me to get my car repossessed. When I got busted I had recently lost my job so bam, no car, no license, no job. Right in the middle of the U.S.’s crappy economy. Since I had no job, I couldn’t take the required classes to get my license back & I still don’t have them, 3 years later. I can’t find a job because I don’t have a vehicle. I apply online all day everyday but that does no good. In addition, because I had no job, I couldn’t pay my ticket and ended up back in jail on a bench warrant. DUI is no joke, I’m still paying. DON’T DRINK & DRIVE…it’s not worth it. When I think about all the people I could have killed including myself I get a little sick to my stomach. And not just other drivers on the road I didn’t know, my friends, some of them my closest were in the vehicle with me most of the time. There was never a time when I left the club that I didn’t have at least one person in my vehicle. Not only can you destroy your own life, but you can destroy others. I always have a DD and if I don’t, I don’t go out. Most of the drinking I do these days is in my own home, if ever. Think before you get in the car. I know that’s hard to do when you are drunk, but even though I was drunk, I can recall times I told myself, you are too drunk to drive stupid, pull over. But I kept driving.

  38. DrunkDriver Says:

    I am an expert and driving drunk. I love it. I got caught once but I learned lessons from it, such as don’t speed and draw attention to yourself. There is not much you can do to avoid some kind of random checkpoint apart from don’t drive on main roads and highways. I’ve done it maybe 150 times in my life, and been caught only once, and it was my fault getting caught because I was speeding.

    My tips….

    1. Don’t speed, don’t draw attention to yourself in any way.

    2. If possible be the only occupant of the vehicle. Cops like to target cars that are fully loaded with five people at 3 in the morning on a Friday or Saturday night. If you do transport anybody else, they should not be a child, and all adult passengers should be aware that the driver is drunk, so that they can decide for themselves whether or not to take the risk.

    3. Don’t do it when you’re angry or emotional, you’ll be more likely to lapse into speeding or some kind of aggressive driving.

    4. No matter what, don’t get angry with any other drivers, like a slow driver in front of you, be very patient, successful DUI involves look like the most normal, average driver. You must blend in to the traffic, and nothing, no erratic movements should draw anybody’s eye to you.

    5. Never have very loud music on your stereo. This draws attention and uses your finite attention too. I usually drunk drive in silence.

    6. Don’t draw attention to yourself by throwing any litter or cigarettes out the window. In fact, I recommend not having your window down at all. Do not stick your arm out of your window.

    7. If you do get caught, don’t tell your family or boss. Keep it to yourself and keep driving anyway, these same methods listed above will minimize the risk of you being caught driving without a license during your DUI suspension period. Do not tell anybody what happened to you, sadly the fine art of drunk driving is not respected by the ’sheeple’ that have swallowed the lies about this useful and often necessary mode of getting home from the bar.

    8. Avoid silly trips such as going to get a burger. Ensure there is enough fat laden food in your own home so you can cook something up when you get home. Minimize the time spent on the road drunk, with every extra minute of your journey, your risk of getting harassed by the cops increases.

    9. Carry mouthwash in your glove box, when you initially begin the drunk drive home thoroughly rinse your mouth out. Eye drops / visine can help with marijuana caused bloodshot eyes.

    10. A useful method if suffering from ‘double vision’ is to close one eye, or place one hand over one eye if driving on a straight road, and focus with your open eye on the white lines painted on the road. This will keep your car traveling reasonably straight, and any onlookers (pigs) will assume you’re simply an early riser driving to work on his construction job.

    11. The best time drive drunk is Monday nights through Wednesdsy nights. The early hours of the morning are a dangerous time to drunk drive because less vehicles are on the road and more scrutiny is applied by the cops to the small amount of cars that are on the roads. I would recommend if you must drunk drive in the early mornings wait until after 430am because you will be joining many early rising commuters who are going to work. If you have a car that looks like you work construction, like a pickup truck, this will help you blend in too.

    12. Always keep your taillights in order and your vehicle registered and mechanically sound. You do NOT want to draw attention to yourself, because then the cop will harass you and poke his nose into your business further.

    13. There is nothing wrong with drunk driving, so long as you are capable of it and know how to do it without hitting something or someone. If you do cause damage or hurt another, you should be prepared to wear it like a man.

    14. If you succeed in making it home without being caught, take pride in your skills and congratulate yourself. I know I do. I have an incredible ratio of success.

    ****AND REMEMBER*** if you are unlucky enough to get caught, DON’T TELL ANYONE… just keep driving and be ultra cautious.

  39. Shell_Bell Says:

    I have driven drunk many times. I also drink and drive. I never never lost anyone to it, and have never been pulled over in my life. Everyone says dont do it, but sometimes, its just a must and you have to.

  40. shant goodman Says:

    i agree that u should not drive drunk but when the time comes nobody wants to leave their car behind and call a taxi for everybody to drive drunk u have to be smart not to go too fast or too slow have a vreath mint and if u get pulled over be polite and always try to crack a joke when u think their gana take u in or before might be good

  41. Amy Says:

    “Before you get offended, dig deep into your memory to make sure you’ve never driven drunk… and that time you drank two tall Miller Lites at Chilis with your family DOES count.”

    I HATE it when people say things like that and what Geoffrey posted above. Newsflash: drunk driving is NOT something that everybody does!! I can honestly say that I never have. You know why? Because I had a brother who died before I was old enough to even know him. I will never know him because of people like some of those posting here. My dad never fully recovered from losing his son. “DrunkDriver” above: shame on you for being so stupid and reckless that you make it into an art and especially for trying to help other people do it too. You may think you’re hot shit for getting away with it so much but it’s only a matter of time before you get yourself in trouble (AGAIN) or hurt something. You’re not God. As far as I’m concerned, you killed my brother because you’ve repeatedly done the exact same thing that bitch did the night he died. Shell_Bell: “sometimes, its just a must and you have to.” That’s got to be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard. NOBODY has to drive drunk because nobody HAS to drink!! You people should be ashamed of yourselves.

  42. DrunkDriver Says:

    “DrunkDriver” above: shame on you for being so stupid and reckless that you make it into an art and especially for trying to help other people do it too. You may think you’re hot shit for getting away with it so much but it’s only a matter of time before you get yourself in trouble (AGAIN) or hurt something. You’re not God. As far as I’m concerned, you killed my brother because you’ve repeatedly done the exact same thing that bitch did the night he died.”

    Shut up you stupid cunt, I never killed no one. I made it into an art and I’m fucking proud of it. Eat shit and die.

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