We are about to start a new series here on Joe Bartender: How To Be A Bartender. But before we really get rolling, I wanted to tell you a little bit about my story. Normally, I am very careful to leave personal details out of the blog. I have had a few problems in the past. But I am going to tell you how I became a bartender.

In high school and college, I was always a very quiet guy. I was decent at sports, but much better at books and computers and other geeky things like that. In school, people always liked me, but I had a definitely social awkwardness. I was your classic Peter Parker type, but unfortunately I didn’t have a super-powered alter ego. I dated the same girl throughout most of high school and naively thought I was going to marry her. But… then college hit… and she dumped me

This is sounding like a very sad and dopey story so far. And it is. But the thing is, it took this major trauma in my life for me to start re-evaluating things. I am embarrassed to admit this, but I was in a serious depression for over a year. I didn’t date anybody else. I went to school and when I wasn’t at school, I worked at a video store and I started picking up some very destructive habits: such as smoking weed every day and eating tons of junk food while I was working the late shift at the video store. I got fat and I got even more depressed. I gradually started realizing that my life was going nowhere. I was working long hours and not making much money. I was living with my parents. I didn’t have a girlfriend and I didn’t even have that many friends.

One night while on a break for work, I was walking across the parking lot to the doughnut shop (this is not a joke) and I noticed some people standing around smoking in front of one of the other stores in the strip mall parking lot. A new business had moved in: a bartending school.

At this point in my life, I was too shy to even approach the people who were obviously having a good time on their smoke break. So, I went back to the video store and thought about this new business that had just opened. I’d never heard of a bartending school. Hell, I’d never even been to a bar. But the idea of it opened up a door in my mind. I’d never thought about being a bartender, but I’d sure as hell seen Cocktail. And I figured if I could just get a job as a bartender, I would definitely get laid on a regular basis. I know it sounds crude, but this is how the male mind operates.

I gave the bartending school a call the next day. The price was way out of my budget. I think it was $500, but at the amount of money I was making at the time, it would have taken me months to save for that. But the idea was in my head. Now it was impossible to shake. I was in Texas, and I had just turned 18. This means I could legally bartend. I decided to learn everything about bartending that I could. The video store where I worked had a few DVDs of flair bartending tricks, but those were of absolutely no use to me. I went to the library and ordered every book about bartending that was available. I may not have known about bartending, but I sure as hell knew how to use the library.

As I started reading about bartending, I became completely obsessed. There was much more to it than I had ever imagined and I became convinced that I could become a true mixologist, not just a drink slinger. My dad, encouraged by my interest, supplied me with a few empty bottles and bought a bartending kit with pourers, strainers and jiggers. Using bottles filled with water, I practiced over and over how to pour in perfect proportions. I got a stack of index cards and wrote down 300 drink recipes. Every day when I went to work, I worked on memorizing what I thought were the essential drinks.

Despite my passion for the art of mixology, there were still a few major problems that I knew I had to overcome.

1. I’d never even been in an actual bar
2. I still suffered from intense social anxiety
3. I was fat

Damn this story is depressing even me. Come back tomorrow for part two of the Prelude.

Photo by megabn. It’s not of me, but apparently of someone megabn thinks is a hot bartender.

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